Relationships and People have always interested me. I love hearing people’s family stories and how they were parented or how they parent. One goal Matthew and I want for our family is that, our children will always want to spend time together when they are older. We want to build a family that loves each other and loves to be together. I am so thankful that I am a part of families that enjoy just that. If you weren’t part of a family that had that goal, I believe that you can break the cycle.

We are trying to teach kindness, love, and patience right now. I feel like those 3 words are said over and over. “Are you showing your brother patience?” “Are you showing love and kindness to Jad?” “How could you be patient with your brother right now?” Jad, We love ella, we don’t hit her.” I could go on and on. We typically take pictures of the ones above. Right? I didn’t rush to find my phone yesterday when Jad hit Ella with a large block or snap a picture when Ella was holding him by the leg and not letting go because she didn’t want him having her toy. Ha! Those moments happen though right? They are going to continue to happen as well. If you are a mom to older kids, you can laugh at my scenarios and think about all the other ones that are yet to come.

Here is what I know, we are doing something right because ella has started repeating these phrases to herself and others. They are in her brain. Yay! Not sure if she believes them in her heart yet? I have also seen her show compassion to others outside the walls of our home. She is not only showing patience at home, but also with others. I am seeing the fruits of all our effort. Here is what we do on a daily basis.

We affirm for making the right choice. There were toddler days that were hard to find even one affirmation

At night we talk about ways we noticed her self control or making great choices during the day.

We address at night also failures that happened in the day and how we can learn from those failures. There are times that we can’t hear things in the moment. Sometimes we are too mad or emotional to see the big picture right? I have this problem as an adult. It is much easier if Matthew doesn’t blow up at me in the moment of one of my failures. I think we all prefer for our spouse to say it at a different time when we can actually hear it. This has worked really well with Ella. We discipline her in the moment but there are many times we wait and talk or address the choice she made at a different time.

We are modeling forgiveness every day. I don’t usually say-Say your sorry. That means nothing to a child that only does it because a parent told them to do so. I usually say-How can we show them we are sorry. Sorry might be a hug. Sorry might be an I’m sorry. Sorry might be helping that friend, Sorry might mean an encouraging word. Ella has started asking for forgiveness more. Yesterday, she looked at me and said, “Mom, can you forgive me for slamming the door.” I love the word forgiveness so much because it has so much meaning in my life as a Christian.

I have so much to learn in this journey of parenting. I’m glad to know I don’t have to have it all figured out.